What does “Freedom” mean for Riffa?

Riffa is the founder of The Love Story, a family builder based in Indonesia. The Love Story offers matchmaking services complemented by pre-marital education, driven by their mission to build millions of prosperous and harmonious families in Indonesia.

When we use language, we often mean different things because of different life experiences and life stories.

Darryl Lim  00:00

Maybe you can talk about FREEDOM?

Riffa  00:02

The way I see it like so I was born in poor family, right, and then growing up in middle class, but I had three siblings, so financial wise, it was challenging for my family, because a lot of children in the family, right? And I started to sell my own things when I was only eight years old. So it was very little. That was my first business. And that was when I realized, Oh, if I sell something, I can make money as much as I want, like, there is no limit for entrepreneurship. I didn't know the terms of entrepreneurship at that time, what I know is, yes, I sold something, I got money in return. I get more money that than what I invested. Right? That was like a little kids feeling like, oh, I spent, for example, $100 and then I got $150 in return. So, oh, it's a method to grow money. And for me, like, Oh, I could buy anything I want without having asking my parents. That's financial freedom, right? You do not have to depend on other people, and you can do whatever you want, buy whatever you desire, using your own money. So that's the beginning. And I always knew I wanted to do business, to become an entrepreneur, since I was very, very little, but my 11 years of career as employee was just a starting point, you know, to... because I was pretty old, right? And when I graduated from university, there was no such a thing like VC, a venture builder, venture capitalist. It was not a trend at that time. So I thought the only way to start business is by working, saving and investing the money as the capital for the business, and then acquiring skills, experiences, networks. That's what employment was all about. And when I thought I was ready, I started my own venture.

Darryl Lim  01:57

Okay, just now when you described your whole $100 becoming 150 you were, like, very excited about it?

Riffa  02:06

Yeah, I'm very excited about it. That's why I studied finance, right? Because, in the beginning, for me, business was just about the money.

Darryl Lim  02:14

Yeah, you want to say more about what MONEY means for you?

Riffa  02:20

Um, again, financial freedom. It's like a tool and a vehicle for me to get to the life that I desire. Because, you know, when you grow up having, like to let go a lot of things that you wanted, it was not a nice feeling, right? It was like a fuel for you, like, the reason why I became so ambitious with my life, because I could not afford what I wanted when I was a kid, right? So like, for example, when I saw a beautiful place on TV, and I said to myself, Oh, the beach is very beautiful, but it's abroad. I don't have the money to get there. And then I told myself, Oh, I have to work hard, so someday I can have the money, I can buy the ticket, afford the hotels and all that, to visit that place. So it was like a tool, a vehicle for me to get wherever I wanted to go, to live, I think, in short, to live the life I always dreamed of. But it was the old me, okay? So the very beginning of me wanting to do business is just because of the money honestly.

Darryl Lim  03:25

Okay, okay, and this money was important to you because it kind of was a tool to help you get towards what you really wanted for yourself.

Riffa  03:36

Yes, without having to ask anyone because, like, for example, I'm not married. If I ever get married, I will never ask my husband to pay for my bills, because I don't like the action of having to ask money from someone else. It's not nice. If my husband wants to give me money, I'll be happy.

Darryl Lim  03:58

What does "ASKING" mean for you?

Riffa  04:00

Asking, oh, I want to buy this.

Darryl Lim  04:03

What does it mean, like, deeply, for you, when you see the word "asking", when you ask someone for things?

Riffa  04:09

It feels like, I'm sorry it sounds harsh, but it sounds like begging to me, because you want someone to give you something. And, you know, some, not some, many Indonesian, Indonesian girls, women, are very hesitant to really tell what they want. So instead of saying, hey, give me money, we will say, "Oh, this thing is very beautiful!" You know, I don't like doing that, because when people don't give you what you asked, at least for me, it makes me feel disappointed, because I already told you, or I already gave you a clue, this is what I want, but you don't give it to me, I will feel disappointed. So rather than feeling disappointed, rather than feeling anxious, for having to ask for something, and makes me feel like, oh, it feels like I'm a beggar, something like that, I will just work hard, get the money, and pay it myself.

Riffa  04:38

It's really interesting, because the word "ask", although it's just like a simple word for you, it's related to begging. It's related to emotions of anxiety and disappointment as well.

Riffa  05:24

Yeah, because maybe it also ties with my childhood, when I wanted something from my parents, they will not just easily give it to me. It was like totally a good thing, if I think about it now, because it makes me very independent as a person, but also, like, they also implanted some thought in my head that... because, like at that time, what I could do, like, for example, if I wanted a toy, then I had to be a good girl, you know, a good girl like, wake up early, finish my foods and eating the vegetables that I didn't like... those kind of things, so for the little version of me who didn't understand how this world works, it felt like a torture, right? Having to do all those things. Yeah, so, but I had to do that even though I didn't like it. To get the toys or the books or the magazines that I wanted, but now I can. I also have to work hard. Work hard is not an easy thing, but at least working is still a lot of fun for me, comparing [to] asking money from others. I know it's a lot of... I know it's very stressful, but I think working is fun. It's fun. I'd rather beworking hard, rather than asking for money.

Darryl Lim  06:46

It's super interesting, because isn't working... like working for someone's approval... also, or working for someone else to give you something... also a kind of work? How do you differentiate those kinds of work?

Riffa  07:03

So it's different, because when we work, we exchange benefit with others. You see, when you sell something, you give something to that person, and then you get the money in return, right? So you do it for both parties' benefit, but if you ask something to other people, it's one way, right? Not two ways, not mutual, right? So it feels like you have to do whatever that person wants you to do, because you cannot give something in return. So you just have to follow whatever they say, so that you can get the money. So it's totally different, in my view. I understand the other people who choose differently. Most women in Indonesia choose to do it differently, right? But this is just not for me, like I had been unemployed only for a few weeks, right? So when I left EY, I didn't have any job, because in EY, you could only leave during the low season, right? So, okay, when the low season comes, I leave the company, regardless whether I have the job or not, right? So after that, I did an Asia trip to three countries. It was a lot of fun, three countries I never visited before. And then after the two-weeks trip, the headache started, like to hit me, like, oh my god, I had no job, right? And like I was sitting all day, ah, it was like the craziest, the hardest times of my life for not having a job and doing nothing at all. It feels like the clock ticking very, very, very slow. Time went by very, very slow. And I felt really insecure texting my friends and they were all busy working. I was just at home with my phone, right? It's not nice. So it happened to me only [for] a few days, because three days after my trip, I got a new job. So I started working the next Monday, right? And that was the first time I knew, Oh, I was right about myself, that I do not like being unemployed. I really love making money for my own.

Darryl Lim  09:04

Okay. What does WORK mean for you?

Riffa  09:07

In the beginning, it was just money. But what I realized after really starting a real career, okay, professional career, my first job was an auditor at EY, that I mentioned earlier. It was more than that. It was like, actualization, self-actualization. That's one. So when you know you can do something that benefits to others, the value, the reward that I got, is way beyond the money. So when I know, so others, mean like it's my subordinates, my bosses, if I could make profits for the companies or for the clients... So I'm also a consultant right now, if I could turn my clients company to profitability, it was like one of my greatest achievement, even though that is not my money, right? It's their profit their money, not mine. But still, for me, it's self actualization. It's to see how far you can do for yourself and for others. That's what my job Is all about. Job, career, work, whatever. That's why I said I really enjoy working. It's not because I have to. I have to work. That's one thing. But more than that is because I enjoy working on it.

Darryl Lim  10:19

And how much you can do for others to help them?

Riffa  10:22

Yes.

Darryl Lim  10:24

Why is that so important for you?

Riffa  10:25

Because it brings me happiness. And so the first level of happiness is joy. Okay? Joy is temporary, right? For example, if you travel somewhere or if you do clubbing, for example, the joy is temporary, because after it's done, the joy is gone. That's the first level, and the second level is happiness. Someone who is happy still know their life is happy, even though life is like shit, for example, yeah, I know just one bad day doesn't mean one bad life. That's what happy people can say. But the highest level is fulfilled. It's fulfillment. It feels like your life has a purpose. It feels like you can do something bigger than yourself, yeah, so that's why I really enjoy doing it, because it brings me to the highest level of happiness, which is fulfillment.

Darryl Lim  11:20

Talk more about FULFILLMENT for you. How does it look like?

Riffa  11:24

Okay, so let me give you an example. Okay, so during my 11 years as employee, I work for four companies, and regardless where I work, I always get promotion, job promotion every two years. So that's like the minimum, sometimes even one year already promoted, but maximum in two years. And because of that, so many people ask me, right? Oh, what is the secret of your career? Because I got that question way too much, I decided to write a book about career development. Because there is no short answer to that question, it's not like, oh, to be successful in career, you have to be smart. No, not that simple. It's a very complex and long answer. I wrote it in a book, 10 chapters, about my... not like secrets. It's like my tips, about how to develop your career. And then when I sold the book, what really made me happy was not the money. Yeah, of course, I enjoyed the money. I'm not going to be a hypocrite. But what's beyond that? Money makes me happy right? On the second level, but the fulfillment came, when, like, a few months after the book was published, people started [to] send me DMs on LinkedIn, on Instagram, and they told me how my book helped them to secure a job, to get a promotion, to reconcile what their boss said in the office, to resolve the conflicts, to deal with the politics. And when I heard all that, I got goosebumps on my body, you know. So, yeah, even as I'm telling you this right now, I still feel this in my entire body, every time I tell the story, even though the book already published five years ago during the pandemic. So, that feeling is beyond happiness, and once you feel it, you will get addicted, you know? Yeah, you will want to do whatever actions needed for you to help others over and over again. So for me, now, if you ask me why I started a business, my answer is because of the money. That's the starting point. But if you ask me why I decide to keep doing business, even though after my ups and downs during the pandemic, right? The reason is because it gives me fulfillment. So it's now, I still need the money, because the company cannot survive without the money. I cannot pay myself [and] the salaries to my team on time without the money. But beyond that is the fulfillment. That's why I said, for me, doing business is exciting because it's a vehicle, it's a tool, it's a method, means, or whatever we want to call it, to give benefits to others, and when I know I can give benefits to others, that brings me fulfillment.

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