What does “Balance” mean for Ivy?

I help create a life where career, ambition and motherhood thrive together, fueled by resilience, purpose, and presence.

When we use language, we often mean different things because of different life experiences and life stories.

Darryl Lim  00:00

What does BALANCE mean for you?

Ivy  00:03

Okay, balance for me as a working mom means knowing when to give my all to my work and when to be fully present with my daughters. It's not about splitting my time perfectly, but it's about making sure that whichever role I'm in at that moment, either with my professional role or as a mother, and giving it my full attention.

Darryl Lim  00:29

So it's about being able to give your full attention to whatever that you're doing at any point in time.

Ivy  00:36

Correct.

Darryl Lim  00:38

Ah, but what does FULL ATTENTION mean?

Ivy  00:43

For me, it's how I focus on things. Let's say for work, I'm doing an analysis, then I'm going to lock my door and there's a "Do Not Disturb" [sign] because I'm doing my thing. It's more on focusing and being able to deliver quality work to my clients.

Darryl Lim  01:09

Okay, focusing, full attention, deliver quality work.

Ivy  01:15

When you're focused, you are productive, and you will be able to deliver what's needed in a certain amount of time.

Darryl Lim  01:23

Why is being PRODUCTIVE so important for you?

Ivy  01:28

It's very important. It's because I'm juggling work. I have multiple jobs. Because I have two daughters, the tuition is quite high. My eldest is in medical school, and then my youngest is studying in a private school. It's quite expensive, and I'm also taking care of my mom, so I need to make sure that every client that I'm working and giving... the quality of work... quality of all those deliverables that I'm giving to them... they are happy and I am happy. So that's my goal.

Darryl Lim  02:14

Quality work. So that you can make both parties happy and in that sense, fulfill the various responsibilities that you have.

Ivy  02:22

Correct.

Darryl Lim  02:23

So when it comes to WORK, what does it mean for you?

Ivy  02:28

Work is my life right now. Yeah, I do need to work. I've got lots of bills to pay. We've just purchased the house and car. I still got three years more to pay, and then [I am] not rich. Unlike other people [who] have passive income. We do need to work as I need to pay all these bills and give the life for my daughters that I wanted, that I dreamt of.

Darryl Lim  03:14

In order to give your daughters the life that you have dreamt of.

Ivy  03:19

Correct.

Darryl Lim  03:20

You want to say more about that?

Ivy  03:22

Sure. I grew up in our province where some of the... like hospitals is not that good, so I wanted to stay in the city, but being in the city is quite expensive, and I dreamt of like, the accessibility of everything, so I would prefer to stay here for health purpose, leisure, and then... in our province, the internet is not that great, [and] my work depends on the internet speed and the electricity, so life here in the city is different, and that's one of the dream that I wanted my daughters to experience, but maybe when I grow old, I would prefer to live a life... like the peaceful one surrounded with greens... trees... I can plant vegetables, because here is different. But for now, this is what I want. This is the life that I dreamt of, and I was able to provide for my daughters.

Darryl Lim  04:48

The life that you have dreamt of. When did you first realize that you want your daughter to live a certain life that you have dreamt of?

Ivy  04:59

From the time that I broke up with the father of my daughters, and the life before was quite difficult, like I'm away from my daughters, and then [that was] not the life that I wanted. I realized I need to work more, work hard, because I want to be with my girls.

Darryl Lim  05:30

You want to work more, work hard, so that you have the opportunities to be with your girls.

Ivy  05:36

Correct.

Darryl Lim  05:40

Were there specific instances which made you realize that that's very important for you?

Ivy  05:47

Yeah, when daughters are sick and I'm here in the city, and it's very difficult to travel [to] our province, because it will take like five to six hours, and I live in an island, and it's really quite far from here, so it's really difficult. And that was those tough days that I was having, and so I decided to work more so that I could bring them here. Yeah, I was really afraid before to risk but I have a new partner. She inspires me and push me that we can do it. And now we've been together for 13 years. And, yeah, we did it, um, we started from scratch, really, like we have nothing, just our monthly salary, but we work together and help each other, and then, with her help, we were able to bring my daughters here.

Darryl Lim  07:05

Nice. How would you see balance in light of all of these?

Ivy  07:11

Alright, so balance is the biggest like... it's the challenge for me, especially when [my daughters] started living with us. It's quite difficult, because my partner is not used to having kids around, and I am working in an office set-up, and then need to make sure that my daughters are fine, and my daughters would be able to adjust in a city life. And I have that challenge, which is guilt, feeling like I'm not doing enough in either role that I'm having, but in the long run, I've learned to let go of the "perfection" and focus on doing my best each day, trusting that my love and effort will be enough.

Darryl Lim  08:17

How do you let go of that need for perfection?

Ivy  08:25

Being able to accept what I could offer, and making sure that I'm giving my all to anything that I'm doing, anything that I'm on it, so either professional or being a mom, and yeah, and I would remind myself, why am I doing this? What's the purpose? And then that keeps me motivated and I realized that, yeah, this is enough. I'm giving enough. I'm giving what I can do. My kids are happy. My family are happy. I have provided what I can. And yes, everything goes smoothly.

Darryl Lim  09:10

Because you described two different scenarios, where it was difficult at first, where there are so many responsibilities, your partner wasn't really used to having kids around, and then you started to realize that, hey, certain efforts are enough. You have done your best. How did you come to have this change of mindset?

Ivy  09:37

It's because my there were times that my body... I can feel that my body is about to give up, like I felt sick and unhappy and guilty. And then I realized, looking at my daughters, my family, they need me. So I should think and realize what I have today and what's missing that make me feel this way. Because I want to have a perfect one? Or because I am guilty that everything is not enough? So I talked to my family. I said, this is our current situation. What can you say about it? Are you all happy? Do you understand with what I'm doing, what we're doing? And yeah, that's the time I was able to reflect that I should... I should not worry that much for the future, but I should enjoy the everyday blessing that I am having.

Darryl Lim  10:52

Were there specific people who have helped you come to their realization?

Ivy  10:59

Yes, my partner, which is I'm having a relationship for 13 years, and then my mom, which is an 82 years old [woman], where we're the one who's taking care [of her], and [she's] living with me. Then my daughters, of course. Always my inspiration and a reminder that I should work hard.

Darryl Lim  11:34

And have balance, right?

Ivy  11:35

Correct.

Darryl Lim  11:37

Are there specific memories or events or conversations with the people that you have just mentioned that stuck with you, that you can remember even right now?

Ivy  11:53

When we're at our lowest part, like you know, when working from home, it will not give you, like 100% stability. There are times that in a snap, the employer would fire you, right? So we should always be prepared for the backup. And then one thing that I could describe, or the word that we talk about, is being resilient. Why? Because, no matter what's the challenges that I've been facing, I've learned to adapt, grow, and keep moving forward. We all have those bad experiences, because there's no such thing as a perfect life. Even rich people doesn't have that. But for me, I'm a positive person and resilient will always be attached with me, because I would overcome the challenges and keep moving forward. It's tough, it's difficult. It's not easy to be a mom, to be a daughter, to be a partner. What you need to do is just balance your life. Give time for yourself, give time for your daughters, give time for work, and with whichever you're in, give your all. Sometimes people would ask, how do you manage that? Because you're juggling work and then you also have time for yourself. It's because they see me like doing some yoga, playing badminton. In a week, I make sure that I have a gym time. So that's me time.

Darryl Lim  13:54

Nice. It's almost like... while you were kind of drawing that picture of your life... You know, normally we see balance as like maybe a scale. When I see you, it's almost like an octopus reaching out for different things and being pulled at in different directions. But at the same time, you are able to not only hold them together, but also find a source of strength and resilience to move forward and almost like kind of create that productivity that you want for the life, for your girls.

Ivy  14:41

100%, and isn't it amazing? It's amazing, right?

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